There is a sub-species among us, a different type of human animal who thrives in our societies and they even claim themselves as savours of our way of life. They all have something in common, how they use the language…
I refer to the politicians, of course.
We can blame politicians for lots of things, but there’s something nobody can deny, they know how to speak, and in a blog dedicated to languages, politicians must be analyzed. Despite the current situation
It would be very easy to focus on the current Spanish situation, which I am not sure if my readers know, as most of them are not Spanish. However; I will not make that silly mistake and I will talk about politicians in general. This is possible due to the fact that they ALL express themselves mostly the same way no matter where or when.
The dual mind
Politicians are very smart people, and they need to have plenty of that so called Social Intelligence, and according to Gardner’s theory another huge amount of linguistic intelligence as well. A good politician (one who is accepted by his o her peers inside the party) must always communicate what voters want to hear, no matter what he or she really thinks. Despite the disillusions and problems they cause, despite their lies, we still believe them from time to time, do you want to know why?
Prove you’re formal
I remember my father words when I was just a kid: “when you meet your girlfriend’s father for the first time, show him you are a formal guy” and according to dad, the rest goes on wheels! So you can be a juvenile delinquent once you take the sweet daughter out. Well, politicians dress, speak and use their body language in the most formal ways we can expect. Even when they play the role they’re builders and take a shovel to start the construction of an important resort, they behave like angels. Not in vain they have assistants who constantly correct their language and gestures 24/7.
Say a lot, but mean nothingIt doesn’t matter what you ask a politician, they would always answer the same thing, how good their teams and their politics are.They would use a vast range of formal terms and words, use legal and economical phrases and blame the opposition. But don’t get me wrong, they’re not liars, they only mask the truth behind empty words that sound bombastic, so they confuse the majority of listeners who think something like: “well, if he speaks that well, he must know what he’s saying because I don’t understand a single word”. Interviewer: Mr President, what’s your opinion on the high rate of unemployment? Mr President: Well, in order to improve the current situation, from my party, we have all decided in the most democratic of way possible how to generate the social tissue which will be able to reinforce both youngsters and retired in order to move forward both employees and employers in an attempt to put this country in the move after the previous government’s politics which made us go wrong. So as you are well-informed, the unemployment has decreased since we took action with the previous reform undertaken by our group in the parliament, which amazingly had the opposition of the other party with whom we have in many occasions try to deal several of the circumstances with a negative answer from them.
Always look on the bright side of… your party
It doesn’t matter what they’ve done, it is, was, had been and will always be right. They have that capacity, that’s why they’re superhumans. As it exists a secret arrangement by which you can always blame the opposition, they are responsible, not me, I am a formal guy daddy!
Have a referent
Politicians have heroes, and they imitate them, and even mention them when they need to scape from any uncomfortable question or to hide some fake numbers the other party asked. By quoting someone who has been indulged by history, they actually put themselves at the same level of excellence and they seem to be their direct inheritors.
Show you are human
Being this perfect, the politician subspecies must show they’re humans from time to time so we actually feel how close and warm they are from us, simple mortals. So they must be seen practising sport, jogging is the best option but other games can also be used. Cry and smile. A good politician must burst into tears at least once in their career. Even crocodile tears are better than no tears at all, but they also need to show us how funny and nice they are by using their facial muscles and, believe it or not, smile! 🙂
Hard type or Revolutionary type
Make sure who you want to vote you, and then show a body language and actions accordingly. You need to be the strict politician who will save the good old values, or the revolutionary who will give a voice to those willing to change society. Once you’ve opted for this, remember to keep this same line for the rest of your political career, no matter how or what you really do. Keep loyal to your image, what would little citizens think if you changed that?
Move your hands
All the available assistants tell them to move their hands accordingly to their message. Move them upwards, downwards, sideward, or grab a pen and pretend you’re underlining something on a sheet of paper, but mover your hands!
Always wait for the picture
It doesn’t matter whether you’re going to be blamed or whatever, you need a picture. That’s why politicians shake hands for hours until the last photographer has taken at least twenty shots from different perspectives. It’s like saying yeah! we still friends in spite of the insults in congress. If it is an informal social event then they need an entire album just for the visit of a damn bridge or a school.
…and the final feature
Apart from all the mentioned above, in order to belong to the politician subspecies you need to make lots of promises. You need to promise a better education, better salaries, a better country, better health system, better people, better bank conditions, better streets, better education, better transport, better security, better whatever, but better.